“I Didn’t Know What Was Happening.” Returning to Work After Maternity Leave: When You Don’t Feel Like Yourself
Introduction
You knew going back to work after maternity leave would be hard, but maybe you didn’t expect this. The exhaustion that doesn’t lift no matter how much coffee you drink. The brain fog that makes simple tasks feel overwhelming. The sense that your body feels disconnected from yourself—like you're physically present but mentally and emotionally stretched thin.
Maybe you’ve found yourself staring blankly at your inbox, wondering why words that used to come easily now feel foreign. Or sitting in a meeting, nodding along, while internally wrestling with guilt, worry, or just the sheer weight of being needed in so many places at once. Maybe it’s your drive at the end of the day for daycare pickup where you feel the weight and fog of it all.
If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone and I’ve been there. I remember coming home after work with one and then two kids in tow and not understanding what was going on – I felt like I was floating outside of myself. We have also supported many of our postpartum clients returning to work after mat leave in our practice in Hamilton, Ontario. This blog post will explore and hopefully validate your experience as well as provide practical tips on how to get through this transitional stage.
The Invisible Load of Early Motherhood
It’s not just the sleep deprivation or the logistics of daycare drop-offs, and managing a whole new routine. It’s the mental and emotional shift that comes with motherhood—something few people talk about when they return to work. As it is still most often women who take the majority or all of a maternity leave, the default role of primary caregiver and person who manages the invisible load of parenting often falls to the woman. While this might be okay while on maternity leave, it doesn’t always shift the way it needs to when mom goes back to work, hence the additional challenges that come during this time of trying to fit everything in.
Another important fact to keep in mind, your brain has literally changed. Studies show that motherhood rewires neural pathways, making you more attuned to your baby’s needs, often at the expense of things that once felt effortless. Your body, too, is still adjusting—whether from hormonal fluctuations, healing postpartum, or simply the relentless demands of caregiving.
Yet, the workplace expects you to function as if nothing has changed.
Why You Might Feel Drained, Scattered, or Not Like Yourself
Your brain is in adaptation mode. Your cognitive resources are split between work and home, making it harder to focus, remember details, or process information quickly. This isn’t a failure—it’s biology.
Your nervous system is overstimulated. The constant shift between “work mode” and “mom mode” can leave your body in a near-constant state of stress, leading to exhaustion, anxiety, and even physical symptoms like headaches or body aches.
You’re carrying an invisible emotional weight. Even if you love your job, it can be emotionally jarring to be away from your child, constantly recalibrating between feeling grateful for adult interaction and feeling guilty for missing out on their milestones.
Society isn’t built to support this transition. There’s little acknowledgment of how profound this shift is—how you’re expected to return as the same employee you were before, while internally, everything feels different.
What Can Help
Offer yourself patience and compassion. If you’re feeling scattered, slow, or emotional, it’s not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of adaptation. Your body and mind are adjusting, and that takes time. When I’m working with women about to make this transition, I try to plant the seed that it could take up to a year to feel like you’ve got this down. Just like on maternity leave when you were learning your new role and your baby was constantly changing, going back to work and parenting a now-toddler, there are going to be so many transitions you will encounter. So give yourself time and try not to have it all figured out it all at once.
Take your breaks. Your work should allow for planned breaks – please take them. This is harder if you work for yourself or you are in a demanding time at work with particular projects – but even five minutes of deep breathing or a quick walk will help.
Set boundaries at work and home. If you need flexibility, ask for it. If you’re overwhelmed, delegate. Your capacity is different now, and that’s okay.
Find a safe space to process. Whether it’s a trusted friend, therapist, or support group, having a place to be honest about what you’re feeling can make a world of difference.
Remember: This is a season. You won’t feel this way forever. Your brain will adjust, your body will regain strength, and you will find a rhythm.
Right now, though, if you’re feeling like a shell of yourself, know this: You are not broken. You are becoming. This transition is hard because it matters—because you are navigating something profound. Be gentle with yourself. The world expects you to move on as if nothing happened, but you know the truth: Everything has changed. And that change deserves care, not just endurance. If you are interested in learning more click here to book a free consultation today.
