The Mental Load is Breaking Mothers: How it’s Contributing to Poor Maternal Mental Health
Introduction
Motherhood is often painted as a picture of joy, love, and fulfillment. But beneath the surface, many mothers—especially high-achieving women—are silently drowning under the weight of the mental load, which is something we often support women with in our practice in Hamilton, Ontario. This invisible labour of managing the family’s needs, schedules, emotional well-being, and household responsibilities is taking a significant toll on maternal mental health. And yet, it remains largely unrecognized and unaddressed. In this blog post, we will explore what the mental load is, its impact, and a few small steps to consider to release its burden.
What is the Mental Load?
The mental load is the cognitive and emotional effort required to keep a household running smoothly. It’s not just the physical tasks like laundry or cooking—it’s the relentless mental checklist running in the background:
Remembering doctor’s appointments
Planning meals that accommodate everyone’s dietary needs
Scheduling extracurricular activities
Noticing when the toothpaste is running low or kids’ clothing is getting too small
Managing the family’s emotional climate such as researching and then implementing a parenting tool
This mental labour is disproportionately carried by mothers, even when both parents work full-time. I will say even if the mother stays home, it is still a burden if she alone manages the mental load. Parenting is work whether you work inside or outside of the home. The result? A constant state of mental exhaustion that can lead to anxiety, depression, relationship dissatisfaction, and burnout.
How the Mental Load Impacts Maternal Mental Health
1. Heightened Anxiety and Overwhelm
The never-ending to-do list can create a chronic state of stress. When a mother is responsible for remembering, organizing, and managing every detail, it’s easy for anxiety to spiral. She’s not just completing tasks—she’s the keeper of everything, and the pressure of keeping it all together can feel unbearable and akin to drowning.
2. Increased Risk of Depression
Feeling unsupported and carrying the mental burden alone can lead to feelings of isolation, resentment, and hopelessness. Many mothers struggle with the expectation that they should handle it all without complaint, especially if they have a support network, which can deepen feelings of inadequacy and depression.
3. Emotional Burnout
Mothers often absorb not only the logistical load but also the emotional needs of their families. If she’s the one constantly soothing meltdowns, managing conflicts, and offering emotional support while also handling logistics, she has little space left to care for her own well-being.
Why High-Achieving Women Feel It More
High-achieving women, who are used to excelling in their careers, often feel an intense pressure to “do it all” perfectly—both professionally and at home. They struggle to delegate, fearing things won’t be done “right,” and may feel guilt for asking for help. This can make them more prone to carrying an overwhelming mental load, often at the expense of their mental health.
Breaking the Cycle: What Needs to Change
1. Shared Mental Load, Not Just Shared Tasks
True partnership in parenting means not just dividing tasks but sharing the responsibility of remembering and planning. Partners need to take on the mental burden of managing aspects of family life, rather than waiting for instructions. While it’s great if the partner does the grocery shopping, an example of the mental load that comes before the shopping is the meal planning and list making.
2. Letting Go of Perfectionism
Mothers, especially high-achievers, need to unlearn the belief that their worth is tied to how well they manage everything. Embracing “good enough” can be freeing.
3. Prioritizing Maternal Mental Health
Therapy, coaching, or even regular check-ins with supportive friends can help mothers process their emotions and navigate the stress of the mental load. Investing in self-care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
4. Shifting Societal Expectations
We need to stop glorifying the “supermom” archetype and start normalizing shared parenting, support systems, and asking for help without guilt. Workplaces, communities, and families all have a role in changing the unrealistic expectations placed on mothers.
Final Thoughts
The mental load is not just an inconvenience—it’s a major factor in maternal mental health struggles. Recognizing it, addressing it, and working towards a more balanced division of responsibility can help ease the burden mothers carry. When we support mothers, we support healthier families and communities as a whole. It’s time to start the conversation and demand change. If you are interested in learning more click here to book a free consultation today.
