Exploring Reactivity and Healing My Inner Child: The Biggest Lesson I've Learned Since Becoming a Mother
Introduction:
Motherhood is a transformative journey that brings with it a myriad of lessons, each one deeply personal and profoundly impactful. One of the most significant lessons I've learned since becoming a mother is the importance of exploring my own reactivity and understanding the parts of my inner child that need healing. As perinatal mental health therapists in Hamilton, ON this comes up quite frequently in many of our sessions. In this blog post, I’ll share a bit of my own journey into understanding this and my (ongoing) processes.
The Mirror of Motherhood
Children have an uncanny ability to mirror back to us our deepest, often unresolved, emotional wounds. Before becoming a mother, I was relatively unaware of how my past experiences from childhood continued to influence my reactions and interactions as a supposedly fully-fledged adult with my own house, career, and now baby. It wasn't until I saw my how own behaviours intertwined with how my child was behaving (I’ll say in a totally developmentally normal way!) and the emotions that came up for me as a result that I began to realize the depth of my reactivity.
Recognizing Reactivity
Reactivity, for me, is those moments when my emotions flare up unexpectedly, often triggered by something seemingly minor. These reactions are rarely about the present moment but rather about unresolved issues from my past. Becoming a mother made me acutely aware of how my reactivity could affect my child, prompting me to explore these triggers more deeply.
The Journey Inward
The first step in this journey was recognizing that my reactions were signals pointing to parts of myself that needed attention and healing. I began to see how certain behaviours and emotions were rooted in my own childhood experiences. For instance, feelings of inadequacy or fear of failure often traced back to moments in my youth where I felt unsupported or criticized or disrespected as examples.
Healing the Inner Child
Healing my inner child involved several key practices:
Self-Compassion: Allowing myself to feel and acknowledge my emotions without judgment. Understanding that my reactions were valid, even if they were rooted in past pain.
Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness helped me stay present, observe my reactions, and create a space between a trigger and my response. This allowed me to choose my reactions more consciously.
Therapy and Support: Seeking professional help provided me with tools and strategies to understand and heal my past traumas. Talking with other mothers also offered valuable insights and a sense of community.
Reparenting Myself: This involves nurturing my inner child by giving myself the love, support, and validation that I needed but might not have received during my own childhood. Some of this is done in therapy and with tools that I’ve learned, much of this I can practice outside of therapy either with a proactive practice on in the moment as I continue to learn to notice my activating moments.
The Impact on Parenting
As I continue this journey of self-discovery and healing, I noticed a positive shift in my parenting. I am definitely more patient, understanding, and empathetic towards my children. By addressing my own emotional needs, I can better support and guide my children through their own emotional experiences. My reactivity has lessened (though I still have my moments because I’m human too) creating a more peaceful and nurturing environment for both of us.
Embracing Growth
Motherhood is a constant learning process, and exploring my reactivity and healing my inner child has been one of the most important aspects of this journey. It has taught me the value of self-awareness and the importance of emotional healing. By embracing this growth, I am not only becoming a better mother but also a more whole and healed individual.
Conclusion
The biggest lesson I've learned since becoming a mother is that our children can be our greatest teachers. They shine a light on the areas of our lives that need attention and healing. By exploring our reactivity and nurturing our inner child, we can break the cycle of unresolved trauma and create a more loving and supportive environment for the next generation. Motherhood has given me the gift of deeper self-understanding and the opportunity to heal, grow, and thrive alongside my child. If you are interested in what this could like for you, book your free consultation today to learn how we can guide you.
