Why Are Mothers More Dysregulated Than Ever?
Introduction:
I’ve written a few posts about dysregulation in motherhood, but today’s post aims specifically to shed light on the reasons behind mothers’ increased emotional dysregulation, offering insights into both the pressures they face and the paths they can take toward healing and balance. As perinatal mental health specialists in Hamilton, ON, I would say feeling more present and regulated in parenting is a priority for the moms we work with.
In today's world, mothers seem to be more dysregulated than ever before. Whether it’s the constant juggling act between work and home life, managing social expectations, or dealing with the ever-present influence of social media, modern moms are carrying a heavier emotional and mental load. But why is this happening now? Why are more mothers finding themselves dysregulated, overwhelmed, and struggling to stay grounded? Let’s explore some key reasons behind this growing trend.
1. The “Invisible Load” of Motherhood Has Expanded
Motherhood has always involved a unique mental and emotional labour, often described as the "invisible load." However, this load has expanded in unprecedented ways. Not only are mothers responsible for their children’s physical well-being, but they also manage their emotional development, extracurricular activities, schooling, and social lives. The expectation to make every moment a learning experience or a memory-making opportunity can be exhausting.
In the digital age, the comparison trap has intensified this invisible load. Moms see curated moments of other mothers' seemingly perfect lives on social media, which fuels a sense of inadequacy and increases anxiety. The pressure to “do it all” and “be it all” pushes moms toward a constant state of overwhelm.
2. Work-Life Balance Has Become Even More Challenging
The modern mother is more likely to be juggling a career alongside her family life. While this can be rewarding, it also brings added layers of stress. The demands of work, often with less support for working parents, create a tension that many moms struggle to manage. The pressure to be fully present at home while maintaining professional productivity is unrealistic and leads to burnout.
Additionally, remote work, which has become more prevalent since the COVID-19 pandemic, blurs the lines between home and office. Many mothers now find themselves having to work while simultaneously caring for children, further eroding their ability to maintain balance and regulate their emotions.
3. The Rise of “Perfect Parenting” Culture
We live in an era where there is an overwhelming amount of advice, strategies, and tips on how to be the “perfect parent.” While this can be helpful in small doses, it can also be incredibly damaging. The constant barrage of articles, blog posts, and social media influencers showcasing the “right way” to parent often leaves mothers feeling inadequate, as though they’re always falling short.
This perfect parenting culture puts immense pressure on mothers to perform at unrealistic levels. Whether it's breastfeeding versus formula, screen time limits, or parenting philosophies, these decisions are no longer just personal choices—they become points of judgment that weigh heavily on a mother's mental and emotional state.
4. Lack of Community and Support Systems
In previous generations, mothers often had the support of extended families or tight-knit communities to help with child-rearing. Today, many mothers feel isolated, as more families live far from relatives, and community ties have weakened. Without this network, mothers find themselves doing much more on their own, which can lead to exhaustion and emotional dysregulation.
The absence of shared responsibilities and collective child-rearing support has placed the burden of raising a family more squarely on individual mothers, leaving little space for self-care or emotional regulation.
5. Increased Mental Health Awareness (but Limited Access to Care)
There is now more awareness than ever of the mental health challenges that mothers face, including perinatal mental health disorders, anxiety, and burnout. However, despite this increased awareness, access to care remains limited for many women. Therapy and other support systems are not always affordable or available, and the stigma surrounding mental health can still prevent mothers from seeking the help they need.
In addition, many mothers are reluctant to prioritize their own mental health because they are so focused on their family’s well-being. This neglect of self-care compounds their emotional dysregulation.
6. A New Emphasis on Healing Childhood Wounds
Many mothers today are more attuned to the importance of healing their own childhood wounds, working on their inner child, and breaking cycles of intergenerational trauma. While this journey toward healing is incredibly valuable, it also stirs up old emotional wounds that can lead to heightened reactivity and emotional dysregulation especially is moms are not receiving the necessary support to do this work gently.
As mothers seek to parent differently from how they were raised, they often come face to face with parts of their inner child that were neglected, misunderstood, or hurt. This process of reparenting themselves while also raising children can be deeply healing, but it also adds another layer of emotional work that can feel overwhelming.
Conclusion: Finding Regulation Amid the Chaos
It’s clear that today’s mothers are dealing with more challenges than ever before, from societal pressures and expanded roles to personal healing journeys. This cocktail of stressors leads to increased dysregulation and emotional overwhelm. However, understanding the root causes of this phenomenon is the first step toward finding solutions.
Mothers need more support, both externally and internally. From building stronger communities and seeking professional help to prioritizing self-care and setting boundaries with technology, there are many ways to begin the journey toward emotional regulation.
Above all, it’s essential to recognize that no mother is alone in this struggle. While today’s world may make motherhood more complicated, it’s also fostering a generation of women who are resilient, aware, and capable of finding balance in the face of adversity. By embracing imperfection and allowing themselves the space to heal and grow, mothers can find their way back to peace and emotional regulation. If you’re interested in working with us and would like to learn more and start, book your free consultation today.
