Why It’s So Hard for Moms to Rest When They’re Sick
Introduction:
Being a mom is one of the most rewarding roles in life, but it is also one of the most demanding. Moms are often the cornerstone of the family, juggling multiple responsibilities that range from childcare and household management to professional commitments and personal aspirations. This relentless pace can make it incredibly challenging for moms to rest, especially when they’re sick. This is a common issue that comes up in our sessions with women as maternal mental health therapists in Hamilton, ON where we often help women unpack why rest is so hard (sick or not) and how to start learning that rest IS productive. Here’s a closer look at why it’s so hard for moms to take a break and recuperate when illness strikes.
1. The Relentless Nature of Parenting
Parenting is a 24/7 job. Children, especially young ones, require constant attention and care. They need to be fed, bathed, entertained, and nurtured. When a mom falls ill, these needs don’t magically pause. There are still meals to be prepared, diapers to be changed, and bedtime stories to be read. The relentless nature of parenting leaves little room for a mom to focus on her own health.
2. Guilt and Self-Expectations
Moms often place immense pressure on themselves to be the perfect caregiver. This self-imposed expectation can lead to feelings of guilt when they need to take time off to rest. The internal dialogue might sound something like, "I can’t rest now, my family needs me," or "I should be able to push through this." This guilt can be a powerful deterrent to seeking the rest they desperately need which may actually prolong an illness.
3. Lack of a Support System
In many families, especially in nuclear setups, the primary caregiving responsibilities fall on the mom with hopefully help from her partner, but that’s often it. Without a robust support system, it becomes nearly impossible to delegate tasks and take a break. This is particularly challenging for single mothers or those whose partners are unavailable due to work or other commitments. The absence of a reliable backup makes it difficult for moms to step away from their duties, even temporarily.
4. The Invisible Mental Load
Apart from physical tasks, moms often carry the invisible mental load of the family. This includes remembering doctor’s appointments, school events, meal planning, and managing the overall emotional well-being of the household. Even when sick, this mental checklist doesn’t disappear. The constant mental juggling can prevent moms from truly resting and recuperating.
5. Social Expectations and Cultural Norms
Societal expectations and cultural norms can also play a significant role. In many cultures, women are expected to be the primary caregivers and are often praised for their ability to manage everything seamlessly. These societal pressures can make it difficult for moms to admit they need a break, reinforcing the notion that they must always be available and capable.
6. Fear of Things Falling Apart
Moms often worry about the consequences of taking a break. Who will manage the household chores? Will the kids be okay without their routine? Will things fall apart if they are not there to oversee everything? This fear can keep moms from resting even when their body is sending clear signals that it needs to heal.
Strategies to Help Moms Rest When Sick
Understanding these challenges is the first step toward finding solutions. Here are a few strategies that can help moms prioritize their health:
Build a Support Network: Reach out to family, friends, and neighbours. Don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it. Give yourself permission to make easy meals, order in, and do grocery delivery.
Lower the Bar: Accept that it’s okay if not everything gets done perfectly. Prioritize essential tasks and let go of the rest.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge that needing rest is not a sign of weakness but a necessary part of being a healthy caregiver.
Create a Backup Plan: Develop a contingency plan for when you’re unwell, including pre-prepared meals and a list of trusted babysitters.
Communicate with Your Partner: If you have a partner, communicate openly about your needs and divide responsibilities more equitably.
Seek Professional Help: If you find it extremely challenging to cope, consider talking to a healthcare provider or a therapist for additional support. In our practice, we love taking an internal-family systems lens approach to start exploring where does the challenge to rest come from - you’ll be surprised how far back it can go and what meaning it can take.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while it is undeniably hard for moms to rest when they are sick, recognizing the obstacles and proactively seeking solutions can help. It’s crucial for moms to remember that taking care of their health is not just beneficial for them but also for their families. A healthy mom is better equipped to provide the love and care that her family needs. And if you feel like you would benefit from additional support, please reach out to one of our therapists today to schedule a free consultation.
